When we started oral surgery residency, I told myself that I'd allow myself 8 bad, terrible, horrible, rotten, no-good, awful days. I figured 2/year would be enough. If I had any more than 8, then Tyler and I agreed that we'd reconsider Tyler's career choice.
My first meltdown was in February of last year. We had family that had just left town, and I was on my own again. All 3 kids were sick at once, Tyler hadn't been home for a day or two, no one was sleeping, and the humidifier/medicine combo tricks weren't working. I cried, had a meltdown, and was sure that this residency was too hard on our family. The next time I saw Tyler, I explained to him that residency was over and to hide his hospital badge because I was going to cut it up to make sure he couldn't go to work the next day. Of course, after a full night's rest and after speaking with a rational husband, I realized that things would get better. I took a picture to remember the craziness of that night with the kids by myself though. Oh the memories.
Anyway, this past Sunday I had my 2nd meltdown. Only I didn't have my melt-down in the privacy of my own home. The straw broke the camel's back at church. Whoops! It wasn't pretty. I think it was my 5th Sunday in a row of going to church with the 3 kids by myself. I'll spare the full details here on my blog, but things were totally out of control during the first hour of church. By the time we went to the 2nd hour (where I am supposed to be leading the music for the kids), both Annie & Cole were in tears, and I lost it. I just wanted Tyler there to help me! I wanted residency to be over so I didn't have to be a single mother anymore. My tears were embarrassing to say the least. But I learned from this experience, realized my limits, and now I have a plan to enlist others' help on the Sundays that Tyler isn't there. Thankfully Tyler will be with me the next 2 weeks, so I can try things again with a father figure around. I really don't know how military wives and mothers do this all the time. They are amazing, and my hat goes off to them.
So does anyone have any tips/tricks/reward systems you'd like to share for keeping kids reverently entertained while at church? I've tried some things with mild success, but I'm open to trying new things. I really don't feel like having my 3rd meltdown anytime soon.
Thanks!
My first meltdown was in February of last year. We had family that had just left town, and I was on my own again. All 3 kids were sick at once, Tyler hadn't been home for a day or two, no one was sleeping, and the humidifier/medicine combo tricks weren't working. I cried, had a meltdown, and was sure that this residency was too hard on our family. The next time I saw Tyler, I explained to him that residency was over and to hide his hospital badge because I was going to cut it up to make sure he couldn't go to work the next day. Of course, after a full night's rest and after speaking with a rational husband, I realized that things would get better. I took a picture to remember the craziness of that night with the kids by myself though. Oh the memories.
Anyway, this past Sunday I had my 2nd meltdown. Only I didn't have my melt-down in the privacy of my own home. The straw broke the camel's back at church. Whoops! It wasn't pretty. I think it was my 5th Sunday in a row of going to church with the 3 kids by myself. I'll spare the full details here on my blog, but things were totally out of control during the first hour of church. By the time we went to the 2nd hour (where I am supposed to be leading the music for the kids), both Annie & Cole were in tears, and I lost it. I just wanted Tyler there to help me! I wanted residency to be over so I didn't have to be a single mother anymore. My tears were embarrassing to say the least. But I learned from this experience, realized my limits, and now I have a plan to enlist others' help on the Sundays that Tyler isn't there. Thankfully Tyler will be with me the next 2 weeks, so I can try things again with a father figure around. I really don't know how military wives and mothers do this all the time. They are amazing, and my hat goes off to them.
So does anyone have any tips/tricks/reward systems you'd like to share for keeping kids reverently entertained while at church? I've tried some things with mild success, but I'm open to trying new things. I really don't feel like having my 3rd meltdown anytime soon.
Thanks!
21 comments:
Oh man. You're great-completely great. It's always hard for me to run smack dab into my limits, especially in front of other people :). I'm pretty low on tips for keeping kids quiet at church but it does sound like you've got a good plan in place. I admire your perspective. You can do it!!
Natalie,
I am impressed that you've only had two in almost two whole years. I have them way more often and my husband is home way more than yours, though long hours as well. It's probably every six months we consider a change in job--his occupation is fine, it's the current position that wears on us quite a bit. At times we just can't figure out if the long hours is at the expense of the boys who CANT LIVE WITHOUT DAD. But, Heavenly Father answers prayers and needs us here for some reason we don't know yet. I am amazed at yours and Tylers strength and know you are doing what's best for your family.
I'm sorry I don't really have any tips. You can't go wrong with jelly beans :)
Love,
Diana
Oh Nats, I'm so sorry. You are racking up so many blessing points.
2 a year? Man you are a trooper! I have way more than that! So you've probably already done this, but I get coloring/activity books and little toys that are only for Sunday. Or animal magazines from the library (My Big Backyard is one of their favorites). They never even see them except for during sacrament mtg. So it's new and interesting.I also bribe with treats, like giving them gum at the end of the mtg if they've been good. I'll think of some more. You amaze me.
I think you are superwoman, Nats. I'm with all of the other women, can't believe you've only had TWO melt-down moments so far.
My advice is to give yourself a break and congratulate yourself for doing something really hard. It is hard. Really not fun at times. But you're doing it. Yay for you!
I'm not a single parent at church but I have learned this past year (as you well know) that it is okay to ask for help! We don't have stellar Sundays but we do manage to get through 1st hour somewhat reverently because we enlist help. My VTer has older kids and they sit with us each week. The older daughter helps me with the babies and their boys pair up with mine and entertain/read/whatever with them once the sacrament has been passed. Just be specific in terms of HOW you want people to help. I don't know what the demographics of your ward are, but please don't be afraid to ask for help!
You're amazing. Hang in there!
Lots of love!
My advice???? A little something we at the Johnson house call "Sunday Church". When Rob was out of town when the kids were little I had so many melt downs I decided it wasn't worth it and we would create "Sunday Church". Everything but the sacrament...that doesn't sound right, but believe me it was worth it at the time. Lastly, one of my favorite quotes "When it gets to hard to stand, KNEEL." Good luck and your little family is beautiful.
Coming from a mother of five I have the BEST trick/tip that I use in church...I don't use it enough, but now that Ron is on the stand, I am probably going to use it more than ever...it is called Bob & Marsha Decker! ;-) In all seriousness, sit near a grandparenty (is that word? Well, it is now.) couple and they will lend you a hand.
Oh, Natalie. I'm sorry you had such a bad day. You are doing such a great job! Your plate is just so full right now. My best advice . . . a pedicure. You deserve one right now. And a trip away with your husband without the kids. Can that be arranged? Some how things are always better after a week away alone together. Hang in there. I know you can.
poor thing! i am so sorry for the hard time at church! i guess it happens to the best of us right?? i can sympathize with 3 sick kids though but with a husband home. my kids have been sick since last thursday with high fevers, cough, colds, breathing probs, ear infections, throwing up, d..... you name it! i am so ready for healthy happy kids!! pretty soon this will all be over and tyler will probably have a really sweet schedule!
I, too, am surprised at how few times you've melted down. The only thing I have thought of is a reward system with a small cup and rocks or marbles and a fill up system with a "big reward" when the thing is full. Then maybe usual or nothing out of the ordinary church stuff becomes more interesting with the promise of something bigger they want. I haven't quite had to do this with colin but we are close. He's a pistol pete sometimes. And when I read about Cole I think they would be BFFs if given the chance. Anyway, I feel for you and admire your patience because you are a much better woman than I (and I'm also glad I'm not the only one who has "career re-evaluations with my hubby... :))
You poor thing!! That has to be so hard having him gone all the time! I feel for you with the three kids in church too! I hate going to church by myself and the three kids. And they just stuck me with seven 5 year olds to teach in primary with a baby that needs to nurse in the middle of it! Ahhh! Good luck, and I have no quiet tips for you because I am usually dragging my kids out by their arms during sacrament meeting because they are screaming and fighting over a toy!!! By the way, I'm sure you'll make it and remember it will all be worth it in the end!
It's been a long time since I've had to wrangle the children in our family, and they never quite outnumbered me 3:1. But my best advice would be this... Bring enough cheerios/goldfish crackers/raisins to feed an army. None of this namby pamby "limit snacking" that those crazy dentists and pediatricians are always talking about... I'm talking Juice boxes, sippy cups... The works! And if that doesn't do the trick, make sure there's a chocolate bar in the snack box for you.
You are so wise & I am glad to know you are human too :) I think it was so wise to give yourself a limit on bad days - you must have known what you were getting into. Good luck with kids being reverent - we are still working on this ourselves. We LOVE YOU!
Oh, honey, if this in only your 2nd meltdown, I'd say you're doing pretty awesome!!! Seriously, you are an amazing mother and I always wonder how you do it. It's nice to know that you're also human and have a breaking point like the rest of us. (Not that I'm happy to know you've reached your breaking point - that hurts my heart for you! Just happy to know people that I think have it ALL together even hit low points.)
I wish I had any great tips. The only thing I'd say is to use your Primary Presidency and other available moms/dads to help take your kids when you need to teach. We have that sort of system in our primary with a couple of moms in similar situations to yours and it's seemed to work out okay. I'd even solicit help from Young Women or older single women (if available) to help out during sacrament meeting so you can keep your cool. I remember when my Dad had busy callings, there was a young woman who'd always sit with us and help keep us entertained. I think that helped my mom stay sane.
Please know of our love and support and hope for happier days to come. Hang in there. You're doing so great. Your darling, creative, happy children are evidence of that. xoxoxoxoxo
p.s. good for you for being brave enough to admit meltdown on the blog. I love the honesty.
Natalie......you are so dang cute! I love how human you are! It makes me feel SOOO much better about my own meltdowns (Which are a lot more often than yours!)You are an amazing wife and mother, don't ever forget that! I just love you to pieces missy!
Nats, I wish I could give you a big hug and help you out! You are super woman and you are doing it better than anyone. I have nothing profound to say, except that Sundays are hard days. One thing I've found helpful is to make sure I keep my tank full throughout the week so that I am trying to keep the kids focused on what is going on in their terms rather than focused on what they want to be doing. So, I listen to conference talks via the internet while I clean and the kids sleep, this helps buoy me up and I feel stronger on Sundays- unless I don't and then I just feel better knowing where I can find peace. Totally not the advice you are looking for because I have no great ideas on the subject- it is just all I could come up with. So hard, Nats. Enjoy the next 2 Sundays. We sure love you!
It's so good and healthy to indulge in a meltdown every once in awhile. They help you to realize that you're not alone.
And I bet your kids are better behaved than you think they are. They're little - they're supposed to act like total maniacs at church - it means they're developing normally! I'm glad you're enlisting help when Tyler is gone - I had sisters that would help me out when Josh was a newborn and Randy was gone most Sundays for his surgery rotation. I like the advice above about sitting next to a grandparent-type- kids love grandmas.
Medical school taught me empathy. Now that Randy is finished and our load is lightened, I know what to do when I see a sister juggling three kids, and a bag, and a carseat, and a heap of goldfish & cheerios on the floor because I was there!
This, too, shall pass...
Just wanted to say hello before giving my two cents. This is Katherine, Maegan's sister, just in case...
Anyway, I have never done church alone, but I did try conference alone with three kids once and it was not pretty. One of the things we have done in the past is sacrament meeting practice. Every night for family scripture study we would sit the kids on the couch with us just like we sit on the bench at church. We'd start with a prayer and song and announcements. Then we'd move on to scriptures and end with another song and prayer. Like a mini sacrament meeting. And we'd help them practice being reverent like they need to be in church. It wasn't perfect, but it gave them a reference point for church. Good luck!
You are so great to get advice cause then I can read it all too! Kids 2 and under are wild cards, but for my others I have recently tried spending time with them each day coloring at the table for an hour. We call it "study time" and work on homework, etc. Lincoln can sit still, but this has been great for Truman who usually has ants in his pants constantly. I don't know if I would go to church alone for very long. I hide in the mother's room with Jefferson and McKinley half the time. We have donated toys in there:)
I don't know if you knew this fact, but women from Texas actually have genetic material that makes them super human mothers. :) You are fantastic, never doubt yourself for a minute.
Oh, Natalie! I feel your pain! (except with Billy it's every Sunday!!!) last week I brought some gummy fruits which I NEVER let the kids eat so it's a treat (on a personal note they plug my kids up0- that's why!) So I get the welches they are better anyways Billy has a snack like some crackers during sacrament and if we don;t have an "incident" or whatever he gets to have the fruit snacks during the closing song. I miss you so much!!!! just know you're not alone.
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